so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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