Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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