Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
