being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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