I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
