If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
