not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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