But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
