FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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