Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
