do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
