You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
