i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
