hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
