Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
