I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Only a mothe r could love this liver
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize