Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
