I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize