dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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