dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
