i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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