I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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