I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
