is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
