I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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