After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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