he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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