Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
