his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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