What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
