I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
