Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
