just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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