No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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