i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
