Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
