Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
