Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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