i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
