Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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