My sheets look like a crime scene.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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