i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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