If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize