How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
