just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
His hands were made for my vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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