When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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