Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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