Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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