I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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