Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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