I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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