you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
