New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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