You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
