I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
