Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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