Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
