he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
