wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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