he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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