I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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