I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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