Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
