my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
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Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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