you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
