I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
