Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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