fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
