sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
