His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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